I found that once I decided to stay at home with my children, women act differently towards me. Now, I understand that I am lucky, that I have gotten to stay at home with my girls and watch every milestone happen. I was there when they started to crawl, walk, talk etc...I am truly blessed to have had the opportunity to watch all of this. But it always puzzles me when a woman (who works) asks me "What do you do for a living?" And my response is, "I stay at home with my kids." At this point in the conversation, there is usually a moment of silence, like at a ball game, you know, "a moment of silence for so and so who passed away." I mean, its very uncomfortable! Then I get the "oooh," then nothing. They usually turn their heads and starting talking to someone else. Now sometimes, generally this is from a man, they will say "wow, that is a hard job." Really? Why is this? Why are women so uncomfortable now days with women who makes a choice to raise their kids and stay at home with them? Is this not the age where a woman finally has a choice? A choice to either work, or to stay at home...40 years ago they didn't have a choice. Women stayed at home, period!
Like I said earlier, some women do not have a choice, they have to work. They have to help bring home food etc...so the family is provided for. Those type of women, are usually more open about the idea. They usually, say to me, "oh, I wish I could have stayed home with my kids." And I have to give it to them, I do not see how their houses stay clean, or how they have time to even brush their own teeth! But its the women who do work but have a choice that get on my nerves. They look at me like I've grown three heads or something. Like I'm a loon for choosing to be a stay at home mom.
So, I am here to say it LOUD and say it PROUD! I love being a stay at home mom! Its probably the best job I've had to date! And for you women that have an issue with this...tell me why? I truly want to know, why does this make you so uncomfortable? I will not judge, I'm just curious. Is it that we have turned over the supporting of the family to a man, or is it that you just get bored staying at home? I am just so glad that women in this time period have a choice. I would have hated to live during a time period where I didn't have a choice!
Crystal, I read what you wrote a few days ago and I have been thinking about it a lot. Sitting here "on the other side of the fence" as a working mom, I'm relieved to hear what you are feeling. I've experienced similar reactions from people when I tell them that I work. They will usually look at me like I'm the worst mother in the world and then look down at Ian like, "You poor thing! Your mother doesn't love you." Several people have said, "You work? Well, what do you do with the baby? I guess grandma takes care of him." When I respond that Ian has no grandmas to take care of him and that he goes to daycare, most people start in with the daycare horror stories. I wish that I could be with Ian all day, but long before I ever dreamed of Ian, I chose to become a physician. I have spent years trying to build a career and I finally have it "road ready," so to speak. If I left it now, there is a good chance I could never return to practice again because medicine changes so rapidly. I guess my point is that because you have posted this, I have realized that all of us, no matter who we are or what decision we make, are judged by other people. There will always be nay-sayers, no matter what any of us chooses to do.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow somebody read my blog! I so excited! Sorry about the delay in getting a comment back at you Brandy, I've been studying for a chemistry test.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I can understand your position also...maybe it isn't about why you work or why I stay at home then. Maybe we should look at this way...every mother thinks they are doing what is "right" for their child. I can tell you all sorts of ways to get your child to eat this or that, or how to potty train him etc...but if you do it some crazy way (again this would be my opinion) I might think your a lunatic for doing it that way. So, I think that maybe as women/mothers, we should try to be more open minded about what other mothers choose. I will try for sure!
Now Brandy, if I had gone to school for the decade that you went to become a physician, I would be working too. Now, when I finally get done with this whole crazy school idea, I'll be a working mom too!